Me thinking...

i was thinking today, why can relationships not be simpler? Why do we have to complicate everything? Why cann't we just like someone for the sake of liking them? Why do we flee from those that show interest in us when we are not interested? Why do we not trust wen we know we should and vice-versa?


Mmmmmmmmmm...

Priceless...

The following is a must watch, it will leave you wondering whether to laugh or cry, whether to be angry or amused, whether to love or hate him... you get the point.

Uncle Saddam

Seriously?

The Israelis want to talk peace now. Stupid Olmert has the nerve to say “We, the state of Israel, will agree to the evacuation of many territories and the settlements that we built there. This is extremely difficult for us, like the splitting of the Red Sea. We will do it for real peace,” AS IF!!!!!! Those settlements are built on STOLEN LAND! Those territories are STOLEN!!!!!!


UGH!!!!!!!

You can read allllll about it here.

Nothing

I have had a massive headache since last night. It is one of those headaches that you know no amount of Advil will ever fix. It is 2:18 pm as I am writing this, I still did not sleep, and I still did not study. I am in no mood to do anything. All I want to do is sit at home, all alone. I know I should not, but that is what I want.

I was thinking about what my life was like in the past 4 years. I have been on a major emotional roller coaster ride. I am not going to bore you with the detail of four years, I don't even have the energy for them anymore.

Anyways, I should work today, but we shall see how that turns out. My neck also hurts. I am sitting down with a cold compress on it, but it is not doing anything major... its just feels good.

I started packing up. My dining room table is no more. My DVDs are at home, half of my knick-knacks are in boxes. Every time I need to disconnect from the world, I turn to packing. It is so hard, yet so simple. Just shove everything in a box. How do you know what to keep and what to throw away though? My flag is still on my wall. It will be the last thing to go down before I leave. What sucks is that this flag has been the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night everyday since I put it up. I sure am going to miss it.

Ok, so I am rambling about nothing, but whatever... That is what it all is really, nothing.

Adding salt to the wound

Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity. - Buddha

Only problem? At this moment in time, I want to stamp on my heart, I want to cut my tongue and I want to screw humanity 1000 times over.

God, I feel so upset. I am so lost, I do not know what to do.

I am really upset with my best friend from AD. I have always been there for her, and now, when I need her the most, she is not there. I am truly sick and tired of being treated this way. I do not deserve this! I am a good friend, I drop everything if any of my friends needs me, I'd do anything to cheer them us, I'd reassure them I'd cry with them, I'd just sit and say nothing... ANYTHING! What do I get in return? That, from the person I least expected it from.

I agree

This actually makes sense...

On being sick...

This makes me sick.

Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty

How did they know?!!!!!!

It may seem as if an era is coming to an end and you could even feel nostalgia for whatever it is that is passing you by now. This may not be about anything material; it's just time itself that continues to move forward. As much as you try to hold on to the present moment, it isn't yours to keep. Take the changes in stride by focusing on one step at a time as you head into your future. (22.nov.2006)




from tarot.com

WTF is happening?!!

I was reading the news and I came across this article. I could not believe it. 3709 ppl killed in Iraq in the last month. That is a lot of people in one month. it is a freaking genocide!!!!

hmmm

Me bored...



what i do?


C, i missed you today. we did not get a chance to talk...

coincidence?

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld



There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth -- not going all the way, and not starting. - Buddha

On what is irritating me now

You know what I absolutely hate? I hate the way the news belittles peoples lives. I hate it when they report about deaths as though it was an ok thing. I mean, yeah, to die is part of life; however, to be killed is not. I was just ready this article on aljazeera international and what irritated me in the use of three little words: some 80 people. SOME? Seriously? you can not even take the time to do the research and come up with the right, accurate number? SOME? What? those people's lives are so insignificant that we no longer need to know?



Of course, if they were Israeli, Americans, British, Canadian etc it would never be some. it would be an exact number. It could also be followed by their names and a more thorough explanation of what had happened. But they are not. They are Palestinians. Palestinians living a fucked up life every day, not knowing whether or not they will live to see the following day. They live in such nasty and rotten conditions, it is a miracle a plague has not erupted yet. But still, they are not westerners, so why should anyone care? Why should the world take one minute to say a prayer for their dead, to weep for the children's' lost innocence, to cry for the broken families, to check on the poor and weak, to ask after the lost and disappeared, and to fight for their rights. Why should anyone bother? Palestinians are at the bottom of the human race chain. Who cares? I say, I care. I weep, feel, cry... I do and I am sure there are others like me out there. We just have to be heard and that is what we shall do... I will not rest until my voice is heard... I can not.

............

I have nothing to say. I am sick and tired from whining about my insomnia, depression, the guy, life.... So, i have nothing to say......

Today...

Today, I did absolutly nothing all day. I woke up at 8 am and then decided that I was not going to get out of bed for the day. Fastforward till 10 pm and I am stil in bed. Doing what? Well, I had a paper I had to finish then an online class to attend to. Apart from that, I did nothing. It felt so strange to me, especially since for those of you who know me, know that I do not know how to do nothing. Now, I feel stupid for wasting a perfectly nice day. Ok, fine, so it was raining, so what? I will miss the rain where I am going to soon.




Speaking of which, after speaking to a good friend of mine whom I shall refer to as E, I have decided that I should stop this wallowing. It is not going to change anything and it sure as hell is not serving any greater purpose. I should stop thinking of what I will miss when I leave and enjoy it now, while I still can. Mmmm... that was wierd. That statement does not belong in the same blog that states that I sat at home all day, not seeing or talking to anyone. Yup, off to a great start, aren't I???

On leading a routine-struck life..

You know you spend waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time in your favourite coffee shop when the guy that works there asks you to fill him in on something that took place a few days ago, and you actually know ALL about it.


Meh....

Tick Tock...

... goes the watch. Time is now officially ticking and counting down until I leave my beloved Montreal. I just booked my ticket. First ever one way ticket I have ever booked in my whole entire life. It is funny, in my heart of hearts I am certain that one day, I will come back here, even if it was for only a visit. However, I feel like I have been just sentenced to death. It is so depressing........ One way ticket. Sounds so final. So dramatic. So... the end?!!



So, January 31st, take your time, there is no rush whatsoever. If you never show up, I will not be disappointed at all....

On stupid ass people

So today, i am sitting in my coffee shop, minding my own business, when this ASSHOLE next to me- who is Jordanian- starts saying that Palestinians have it easy in Jordan and nothing differentiates Palestine from the rest of the Arab world. His argument, and i quote " It wont make a difference for Jordanians if Israel invaded them as they are already invaded". Already invaded? REALLY? by the Palestinians?!!! The ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE HE? It was his f***ing king that sold y land. It was his government that sold my land in order for them to create their precious JORDAN! Then, he has the nerve to tell me that Palestinians have it easy in Jordan, that the poor Jordanian kids used to give their lunch money to us so that Arafat could go build mansions in Paris. Really? Funny, i don't recall a Palestinian with a refugee status working in the Jordanian government! I know for a fact that if two people applied for the same job, one with Jordanian ancestry and one with Palestinian ancestry, the Jordanian one would DEFIANTLY get it. THEN he has the nerve to say that Palestinians have it good in Lebanon too. AS IF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When people are denied their basic rights of working as doctors or engineers and are only allowed to work in something like 70 jobs only; when people can't even leave their houses or money to their children and families because once they die, they become the property of the Lebanese government by default; when people barely have electricity and some running water; when, when, when. WTF is he talking about? How dare he belittle the Palestinian crisis? How dare he say that "Palestine, meaning the west bank and Gaza, are back and that the Palestinians are the ones who don't want to go back"??? How dare he judge a people who have nothing in the world except one dream, and that is to return? How dare he assume that these people are happy with the way things are? Also, how dare he say that Palestinians should not state what new citizenship they acquired. I know of not one Palestinian that denies his or her roots. ALL of the ones i know state that they are Palestinian regardless of what passport they have. If we do not do that, then Palestine is lost and it is no longer ours.











God, i am soooooooo angry and upset. How dare someone who comes from such a country that betrayed us, our trust and everything, say those things, and with such smugness too?!!! Palestine is ours, it is rightfully ours whether anyone likes it or not. We shall return, tomorrow, the day after, or even 100 years from now, it is OURS AND WE WILL RETURN!!!!!!! Justice will prevail, and we shall rise from this. The struggle will carry one and will continue as long as the Palestinians have children and as long as those have children of their own. it is in our blood and it is something that no one shall deny us, ever!!!! It is ours and fuck anyone who does not believe so.

Buddha the wise

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." - Buddha



Don't you just love Buddha?!!

Bday summary

So, my birthday has been over for a good few hours now. It was a wonderful birthday, i must admit. On Friday, a good friend of mine called me from abroad to "drink" with me. So, that is exactly what we did. Me, here in Montreal, and her, all the way there in Brazil. it was cool in a lame way, but it made me feel better about her not being here for my bday and all. Next, I went out to dinner with some friends. Funny thing is, I was about to cancel it at the least minute, but I am glad I did not. Everyone got along with everyone else perfectly and people actually appeared to enjoy their time. Afterwards, we all went to an Arabic party. At first, I must admit, I was not having much fun only because I HATE clubs, I HATE being t9uched by strangers and I most certainly HATE being in any place that is that packed with people. However, as the hours rolled on by, I enjoyed it more and more. Music was good, they played Arabic and Techno; and boy can my friends shake it!

hahahahahahahha

Next came home, Two of my friends were crashing over and two more of my friends came over to hang out. We tried to play cards, but no 2 of us agreed on a game, we tried playing Uno, but that didnt work out very well either. So in the end, we settled on just making fun of each other. Finally, to end a great night of partying, chilling and hanging with friends, they left at 5-ish and by 7, we were all sleeping like babies.

But this is not the end of my bday, oh no.... at 12 pm my friend calls me and tells me to get ready as she was going to pick me up and take me for a massage. What a massage!!!! It was a hot stone massage and it was GREAT! I was so relaxed afterwards, it is hard to explain. After massage, we went for lunch and then she dropped me home. That left me with three hours to take a shower, rest an get ready to go to my friends' house for his bday! Needless to say, i did not rest. So we went over, it was fun! it was a nice change of pace from my party weekend. Very laid back, very relaxed. Towards the end though, I was so tired, I could no longer even make out what someone is saying. Finally, at exactly 12 midnight -freaky, eh?- I walk into my house and say goodbye to my birthday. It was now, officially over.

=) =) =) =)

Great Movies update

Marie Antoinette was the worst movie i have ever watched in my life. it is a sorry excuse for a movie, a waste of time and even the little energy you put into watching it. COMPLETE waste of 10 bucks.

Tfeh!

Finally!

I can finally say that today was a good day. Started out well, ended well, the middle was not too bad either.

That's an advancement!

=)

Words of wisdom:

"Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like
other people." - James
Russell Lowell


"In
matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a
rock." - Thomas
Jefferson



"Happiness
is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." - George Burns

Bent

Sometimes, i feel that my life revolves around a theme song. Today's song?


"Bent" for Matchbox 20. It really speaks to me and about me. It is wierd because i feel as though someone is saying exactly what I am feeling. Especially the "I'm scared that I will never, get put back together". Such a scary thought, isn't it? What if I will forever be this bent and this broken? Like I needed one more thing to worry about... good job me, I should be patting me on the back for this new thought that I just had!!!


Oh well, back to the books....

On being irritated...

What is up with people calling you to "chat", then have conversations with people around them, expect you not to get pissed off and get offended when you say "if you are talking to me, talk to me; if you are talking to them, then go".



WTF? Seriously!!! Sometimes people can be so obnoxious, idiotic and inconsiderate. Sometimes, all i want to do is close my eyes and be elsewhere where no such person exists!!!



UGH!

I am an ASS

Today I spoke to my mother and she passed on some bad news. My grandma, the only grandparent I have ever met or known in my life, is not doing so good. Two years ago, she had what we call a "cold stroke" in Arabic. What this did is leave her paralyzed from the waste down and affected her memory a little. However, according to my mom, now it is getting worse. When my mom and dad went to see her a few days ago when they were in Lebanon, she did not recognize them... she did not recognize her own daughter and son-in-law!!!!!!!!!!!! My dad says pray for her and my mom says that she is scared to come visit me here because she is terrified that something will happen to my grandmother.

What if something did happen? She is the only one i have ever known from my grandparents. Last time i saw her was last summer, and i did not hang with her too much because it pained me so much to see her that way. What if i will not get a chance to say goodbye? I never got to know her as well as i would have liked as i was to young before, and now that I am older, she is not doing well. I have never had my morning coffee with her like all my cousins, including my sister and brother have. I have never told her how much I loved her. I have never even been shopping with her! i never told her about my boyfriends... Shit.... she might not even be there when I graduate and have my degree. She held me in her arms when I was first born, I saw her every summer till I was 14 and decided that Lebanon was so "uncool" and wanted to only spend my summers in Europe.

What will happen if I do not see her again? What will happen if i do not give her one last hug and tell her how much I love her? What then? I did not even call her for Eid. I am officially the worst grand-daughter she has ever had. I never call her just to say hi, I never travel just to see her, I never hang with her......... and now, she might forever be going away.

As a child, I never imagined I will ever say goodbye to someone dear to me. Then, one day, my friends' mother passed away, then my uncle, then some family friends... then it hit me. No one will live forever, life is just this. Saying goodbye and moving on.

Grandma, I am so sorry I never called you and I was too selfish to hang out with you... Please stay... its not time yet.

Buddhist thought of today

"What do you have to do? Pack your bags, Go to the station without them, Catch the train, And leave your self behind." - Open Secret by Wei Wu Wei


Makes sense, does it not?!!! Maybe that is what I will do when the day comes and I have to get on that plane. I will physically board it, but leave "me" behind. That would be nice....

C!!!!!

C!!!!!! I miss you girlie!!! Yalla come back to Montreal so that we could chill and chat and smoke and party and..... well, you get the idea!!!!!!


Me miss you!