Tuesday, July 28, 2009

On being fine

I am:

tired,
drained,
fatigued,
lonely,
sad,
whole,
fragmented,
happy,
silent,
strong,
indifferent,
fighting,
trying,
sane,
weak,
surrendering,
upbeat,
optimistic,
shattered,
pessimistic,
hopeful,
conflicted,
sure,
envious,
crazy,
doubtful,
joyful,
sorrowful,
bitchy,
sweet,
loud,
vindictive,
interested,
forgiving,
selfish,
caring.

I:

Want,
need,
require,
demand,
relinquish,
love,
aspire,
give up,
believe,
hate,
dream,
quit.


Now bottle up all those feelings, mix them together, and you will get how I feel on any given day.... The one word I use to summarize all that: Fine. I am Fine.

Monday, July 27, 2009

On..... some things...

As anyone who knows me can testify, math to me is absolute gibberish. It does not make sense to me. No matter how much I try, it never becomes any clearer, or easier.

I have struggled with math throughout my school years, and when I graduated high school, I was glad that I would never have to deal with areas, perimeters, medians, means, probabilities, percentages or anything else. I thought that my life would finally be free of that and that any math I might encounter, would be solved using a calculator. I could not have been more wrong.

For the past 2 months, I have been slaving over a math refresher book, trying to understand and grasp it so that when I started my GMAT revision, I would be ready. Turns out, I SUCK! Seriously, I feel so stupid and thick at the moment. I do not have the logic required for solving the problems. Sure, I have logic, give me any topic and I will dissect it and find all the pros and cons for it. What I do not possess, is the mathematical logic required to attach a problem and solve it.

Sometimes, I think, it is because deep down I do not want to go on and do my MBA's. I am still unsure of what I want to be when I grow up, hehehehe. Seriously, I do not know wether it is something I am truly interested in or not. I only want to do it because it is my ticket out of here. Other than that, I do not care. Do not get me wrong, I want to advance my career, and it would be nice to go into an interview and not be asked "so, why did you choose poli sci? you do know that there is no market for it here, no?". It would also be nice, i suppose, if some peope stop inorming me that my degree was a waste of time and money, and that I would have been better off not going to uni if that was the degree I would get.

Maybe it is because I am approaching the GMAT, and subsequently, the MBA's for the wrong reason.. I do not know. What I do know is that, math depresses me...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

On mythical creatures

If I could be any mythical creature, I would choose to be an Elf. Why? Well, allow me to tell you:

1) They are the fair folk.
2) They have magic on their side
3) They are immortal
4) They are intelligent and smart
5) They are strong
6) They are cordial and kind to one another, and very respectful
7) They speak the ancient language, aka Elvish, and it is lovely.
8) They are environmental y friendly and aware
9) They are vegetarians
10) They are soooo intriguing
11) They believe in the equality of the sexes
12) They do not have the same societal boundaries and constraints humans, and other races such as dwarfs, have
13) They follow their hearts
14) They are very artsy fartsy =)

My list could go on and on... but bottom line is, they really are the perfect race to be. And yes, I have given this much thought, and yes, I admit I can be a nerd sometimes...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

On.... confusion?!

Ever wanted one thing so bad, that it was the only thing on your mind for not weeks, not months, but years?

Ever made that one thing the focus of your universe and in doing so, made it a reason to continue trying?

Ever wanted something, really wanted it, so much that somehow it evolved into an inseparable part of you?

Well, what do you do when you realize that you counted on it more than you thought, and when it actually becomes within your grasp, you shrink back and find yourself refusing it?