I Want One!!!

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Life, memories and maybe good byes?!

This is a depressing post, and I don't even know if it flows. Do not read it if you don't want to be depressed.



Today was one of the most miserable and depressing days I've had in a long while now. In the morning, I did something mortifying... I sent the wrong message to the wrong person and the message was kind of embarrassing. Ok, not kind of, but seriously embarrassing. I did not think much of it and pushed thoughts of it aside and thought that I will not let that ruin my day. I wanted to have a good day. Sadly, fate had other plans for me.

I went to pick up my blackberry phone, it was not finished yet and I was told that they failed to install what I wanted installed. Ok, no problems, I thought. As I was walking back to my car, I dropped the loan-phone they gave me and got a huge scratch all across the screen. I feel horrible about that as I didn't want it to begin with. I tried to remind the guy over and over again just what happens to phones with me. He just tsk tsked and told me that he trusts me. After all, what damage can I do in 2 or 3 days? Damage DONE.

Afterwards, while i was waiting for the traffic light to turn red, I was propelled into a whirlwind of many memories. I do not know what brought them on, but here they were and I went along with it. Some of them made me laugh out loud while others brought tears to my eyes. I remembered people that have touched my life, others that have changed it, and yet others that still influence it on a daily basis. I sometimes hate memories.. they are too powerful and they leave me feeling empty an lonely most of the time.

The afternoon finally came and I was thinking to myself, the day is almost finally over. Again, I did not realize just how wrong I would be. I received horrible news regarding one of my friends. He was among the first people I ever met in Canada, and has been sick for the past year or so. Unfortunately, he is only getting worse. The news made me remember how I saw him only 3 months back, had coffee with him and talked and laughed and all. How could someone be alright one month and in very bad shape the next? Humans are so fragile, and cancer almost always wins the fight. Cancer sucks. It always takes away the people we care about. If its not cancer, its a heart attack. If it isn't a heart attack, its cars. If it isn't cars, its motorcycles. If it isn't motorcycles it's hallucinations. If not that it's drugs and ODing... It is always the best people that are taken away from us too soon. It is so sad. Life can be over in a heartbeat, as though it never happened. Isn't that a morbidly funny thought?

Finally, in an effort to spend time with my parents a while back, I decided to join them in watching this movie on T.V called "Off the Map". F-ing BAD idea. It goes on and on about depression and tears and depression and how you are never really whole again. I didn't need that, but I have to put in the time with them... so I endured.

All in all... sad day. Truly and deeply sad. Hopefully tomorrow is a better one...

P.S. Pls say a prayer for my friend, he needs all the prayers he can get sent his way.

Annoying!

You know, I don't mind being single. I don't mind the fact that I don't have a potential someone. Most days, I really don't care. However, today... well today it got annoying.

Take a guess at how many times that particular topic came up today? Not once, not twice, not three, but four. The first was with my sister, the second with my mom and a jeweller, the third was with my friend Ran, and the fourth, was in my French class. I don't mind the topic, what I do mind is how people look at you pityingly and start trying to make you feel better - although you feel perfectly fine- by saying "oh, guys nowadays don't know what they want", "don't worry, you'll find someone", "when it happens, it happens" and, best of all "you are still young.... plenty of time!"

Like hello! Who said I'm feeling bad? and who said that I have to have someone to marry? and WHO SAID THAT I CAN'T BE CONTENT BY MYSELF?!!!!!

I know they all mean well... but it is that look that always upsets me. It's like people believe that if you are single, you must be this person that cries herself  to sleep for it every night. Newsflash people: I AM HAPPY BEING SINGLE!

Effffffffftttt

My silly bored poem

I don't know what to do with myself

I'm so bored that I can turn into an elf

and now I'm rhyming and I don't know why

Must be better than the tears I'd like to cry

When there is nothing to do

I really don't know what to do

Worrying about something that might not happen, or might never happen, is really a waste of time. For various reasons, I've spent the whole day remembering how I felt a few months back, and how much the stress and worry I put myself into had both aged and drained me. One good thing about such events taking place is that it teaches you just what you are prepared to put up with, what you can and can not deal with, and what you are willing to do to either bend or change the outcome of things.

It is rather unsettling when you discover some characteristic or trait in yourself that you never thought can exist in you. It is heartbreaking when you realize you are only human... and humans are horrible creatures. Humans make the worst possible choices sometimes, and other times they make a bad situation even worst. It is a habit of ours... one of our many charms. The silver lining to all this? Now that you know what your "new" limitations are, you can work to fix, alter or change them. No harm has been done, no permanent damage has been made. Time heals all wounds... or wounds all heals. Either way, you know that you can withstand it, and in the future, you will be better equipped and hopefully a little wiser. One thing I learnt: Not to worry prematurely, if what is dreaded is to happen, then you'll have plenty of time to worry when it happens.

See? Already wiser =)

And just to put a smile on your face, a Cyanide and Happiness comic: