Thursday, August 28, 2008

Tribute to Grandma

"Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete."
~Marcy DeMaree


And so what was feared, yet was sure to be inevitable, happened. My Grandma passed away on Tuesday 19/Aug/2008 after suffering for over 4 years. I had already put up a post about her medical condition earlier, you can see it here.

She did not go peacefully, she actually suffered a while before. She was hanging on until my uncle, who is her eldest son, died on Dec 28, 2007. Although no one told her he was gone, she felt it. She slowly sunk into her thoughts, refusing to share them with anyone. Eventually, she stopped talking, and shortly after that, she refused to recognize anyone. She only wanted to see her son one more time, and I think that in one way or another, she finally got her wish.

I hadn't been to Lebanon since her first stroke, and I wasn't going to go to Lebanon anytime soon. However, God had other plans. He ensured that my mother, all my aunts and uncles, myself, my sister (my brother couldn't take off work) and all other cousins and family that have been away were available in Lebanon the day she died. That, to me, is a gift from God. She had a house full of people who loved her waiting to say goodbye, to read her verses of the holy Quran to help usher her way to her final resting place. Yes, my Grandma did suffer ( I will spare you the gory details), but in the end, she rests. She looked so peaceful after her burial preparations were done and they were waiting for the ambulance to come take her to the cemetery. She looked like the Grandma I always knew and remembered- yes, thinner, but there nonetheless. She had a smile on her face, she looked happy and she was finally over the pain. Nothing could ever touch her and hurt her where she was going. Nothing could upset her. Sadly, nothing could bring her back either. She was on her way to meet her husband, her son and her daughter. She was finally going home and she looked it.

My grandma lived a good, decent life. She was loved, respected and honored by all. She was a peaceful person and a cool grandma -for a 13 year old, allowing me to smoke was pretty cool-. She was the glue that held my mothers' family together. She was our sun and we were the plantes revolving around her. Now, the sun has set for the last time, darkness has taken over, and although the moon and the stars will still shine brightly, nothing can ever be as bright as her smile.

I will miss you terribly Grandma, even though you did not recognize me when I saw you for the last time, I know that you spirit recognized me afterwards. Watch over me, guide me and let me feel your presence whenever you are visiting us on Earth here.

To everyone who reads this post, please honor my Teeta with a minute of silence.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

On slowly going insane...

Sometimes, I feel as though I am losing it. I often wonder whether Montreal happened at all or was it all in my head. Thank God for pictures, seriously, otherwise I have no idea what would happen to me. Sometimes e-mails are just not enough... sometimes, you need to hold something in your hands just to make sure it is actually real.


Sanity or insanity... what is the difference between them really?

They said...

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.
- Anais Nin

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.
= diego marchi


In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
- Benjamin Franklin

All the world's a cage.
- Jeanne Phillips

Sunday, July 27, 2008

A living nightmare...

Some days you are forgotten,
others you are fondly thought of,
yet others, you haunt my existance as though a shadow.
This can't go on anymore, its unhealthy and becoming as though an obsession.
Therefore, this is goodbye....


I hope.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Another perspective...

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Thursday, April 17, 2008

true... true...

Goodbyes will always hurt,
Pictures will never replace the having been there,
memories, good or bad, will bring tears,
and words can never replace feelings.
 
- Read it somewhere

Friday, April 11, 2008

on weird things happening...

A bird... A BIRD... a bird tried to fly into my room at 8:00 am today. I was fast asleep, when all of a sudden, I hear a thudding sound coming from my window. I look towards it, and a BIRD is trying to fly in through the glass...

Stupid, annoying bird...

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Time does not heal...

... but it forces you to move on. However,

Smells still trigger it,

Dreams still find their way to it,

Thoughts still turn to it....

Because at the end of the day, you just can not fight it.

A single memory could be stronger and clearer than a thousand words. Who would have thought?


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

blonde jokes

Once, a red-head, a burnete, and a blond all got caught on an Island. One day they found a magic lamp, and a genie poped out and said
"I shal grant you three wishes. Since there are three of you, you will each get one wish." The red-head said
"I am tired of being on this Island and want to be back with my family." and POUFF. she dissapered. After that the blond started to cry. The burnete said
"I am tired of being on this Island also. I want to be with MY family also." POUFF. she dissapered. After this the blond was just bauling and crieing here eyes out. She cried out
"I miss them. I want my friends back."........POUFF.
 
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
 
Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if a second blonde has used the same computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
 
Q: What's the first thing that a blonde does in the morning?
A: Introduces herself.
 
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A: Air pockets.
 
 

Randomness

" Have you ever had a flaw of some sort, a hurt that you carried with you? You cursed it and fretted over it and longed to cast it aside, and yet you secretly caressed it and held it close lest it should slip away. For that weakness defined you; you took strength from it. With it, you knew who you were; without it, who could say what you would be? "
 
*Never argue with a fool. He may be doing the same thing*
-Anon
 
 

Monday, March 17, 2008

On wishes


Tree Hugger by Kimya Dawson:



The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be
A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.

And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort.

And the rattlesnake said,
"I wish I had hands so
I could hug you like a man."
And then the cactus said,
"Don't you understand,
My skin is covered with sharp spikes
That'll stab you like a thousand knives.
A hug would be nice,
But hug my flower with your eyes."

The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be
A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.

And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort.


Memory lane ramblings

Know the saying "Keep the pictures, they wont change; only the people in them will"?

Well, I came across a couple of old photo albums that I forgot even existed. There were some pictures of my grandma, of my cousin, of my uncle... and of course, some old friends and my immediate family. it made me realize just how much life has changed in the past 20-odd years... just how many people we've lost along the way.

It also made me think, when did my parents stop being themselves and just concentrate on being parents? I mean, you see your parents now and you think "this is the way they have always been", but you can't be more wrong. They were individuals with their own thoughts and dreams and then.. well, they got stuck with whining, nagging, screaming, selfish kids...

I sometimes think, I never want kids, but then, one of my biggest fears is that I might be unable to bear children. I mean, having the option is different than having no option, no?

Ok, so I am rambling... but I tend to do that when I freak out... and I am freaked out a little about many things - okay, so I am majorly freaked out-, However, I will not inflict that burden on you today... maybe, perhaps... another day.


Sunday, March 16, 2008

Suppose...

Suppose that you had this book... it is an old book... so old that in fact, it looks over-used. You have used it and abused it over the years- as it did you-, and it became a part of your identity, part of what makes you you. Then, one day, you get this brand new book, it is shiny, its cover is appealing to the eye, and it is exciting because, well, who can resist a new book? It takes you on a whole new adventure, challenges you in ways that your old book no longer can....

Now that you have imagined all that, imagine that you only had the option to choose one, which would you choose? The old one you are comfortable with, the one that is responsible for the way you turned out, or the new exciting one??




P.S> this is all hypothetical, no hidden agenda or anything.. just tell me what you think.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Test

I'm just testing this whole mail-to-blog phenomenon. Actually, it is pretty old, but it is the first time I use it.
Will it work, I wonder?

Monday, February 25, 2008

technical problems...

I changed the layout and the template of my blog, something to give it a little "umph". However, it still shows the old template as the main page, and fails to show the new posts. This is annoying. I think blogger should fix it ASAP.

Meh...

Thursday, February 21, 2008

On feelings...

you know when you get that feeling at the pit of your stomach, where you feel your insides twist up in a tight knob?

You know when you feel that you are responsible for something going wrong, yet you just do not know what it is that you screwed up?

You know that horrible feeling you get, one of despaire, or maybe even of resignition?

Well... it is a sucky, lonesome feeling, no?

Monday, February 18, 2008

Something to ponder...

Reality alone exists - and that we are. All the rest is only a dream, a dream of the One Mind, which is our mind without the 'our'. Is it so hard to accept? Is it so difficult to assimilate and to live?

- Why Lazurus Laughed by Wei Wu Wei


it is true... why is it so hard to accept that which is presented to us and just assimilating with teh life we have?

Any thoughts on that, Void?

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

How Mature I am...




You Are Somewhat Mature



You definitely act like an adult sometimes, but a big part of you is still a kid at heart.

While your immature side is definitely fun, you're going to have to grow up sooner or later.