random thought

Which is worse and who do you blame?

The monster and its actions, or those that created the monster?

Or do you just not blame anyone and instead go on pretending that everything is alright?

Funny toilet signs

From Here.

Bits and pieces

A change is coming, and it is pushing me closer and closer to my already too close abyss of darkness. I can't share what that change is yet, as it is not my thing to share, but once all lose ends are tied and everything is set, I will share.

Although this change is not mine, it will impact me greatly. Just thinking about it depresses me. It has been haunting me for over a week now, and because I can't share, I've had to deal with it the only way I know how: retreat into my own little world. My world is always a good place to retreat to, although sometimes I worry that I might lose my way back to reality. Ok, I know that would probably never happen and that I am blowing things out of proportion, but sometimes, my imagination runs wild and I end up with so many different scenarios to so many different situations.

I used to love this time of night. When it is past 1 am, the streets are quiet and the world is mine, and only mine. Now I hate it. It is too quiet and my thoughts are too loud. Loud and confused... maybe even lost. Who knows? So, to shut up these thoughts, I blog. I blog about what is bothering me, or I blog about something totally silly because I can't be bothered to sift through my thoughts and inflict their destructive power onto someone else. I blog because I have a problem opening up and sharing with people I know. No matter who it is, it will take me a while to share even the silliest feeling. I don't think anyone knows what my real fears are, and that includes me. Suck it up and keep moving on, that is the best way to survive. It might also be the only way to survive nowadays.

On a different note, I started reading a new book. So far, it seems to go pretty well with my dark mood. Only problem? It depresses more than it cheers up. That is the mark of a good book though, I think. A good book is one that you can not put down, even if you disagree with the author, even if it isn't what you usually fancy or even if it does nothing to help alleviate your mood. A good book is one that sucks you in and allows you to get lost among its pages. It is one where fantasy and reality collide, over and over again. One that forces you to question everything you ever learnt or believed, digs through many layers you weren't even aware existed, and yet somehow, it leaves you whole.

Sorry, I didn't mean to go off on such a book-loving tangent here. That is the truth though, I love books. They are predictable, mobile, and always available. Books are awesome.
As for this blog... well, it is what keeps me sane at 2 am. So, dear void, this is another post to add to your library. Enjoy!


Out.

To make you think...

We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.
  - Tom Stoppard

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
  - Frank Zappa

Random Lebanon

Smile =D

From Here.

Do you believe in...

Fortune tellers?
Magic?
Black Magic?
The Eye?
Con Artists?

What would you do if a random person on the street walked up to you and told you things they could never ever know about you? And gave you hope for something you secretly hope for and desire?

Would you tell? Would you believe? Would you freak out or rejoice?

What would you do?

Heard it...

Overheard this conversation in the elevator today. It was between two boys, 14 or 15 years old max:

Boy 1: Did you know that Rana lives in our building?
Boy 2: Who is Rana?
Boy 1: Rana!!! You know Rana
Boy 2: Rana who? I don't now a Rana
Boy 1: Rana! The one that is in 10th grade. The popular one*.
Boy 2: - just stares blankly-
Boy 1: Rana!!!! She hangs out at the -can't remember- all the time
Boy 2: Aahhhh!!! Rana! Why didn't you say so from the beginning?!!!!
Boy 1: -rolls eyes, then- Want to come over?
Boy 2: Sure, but I'll have to take off my ear ring so as your dad doesn't see it.
Boy 1: I didn't tell you? They are travelling! I am home ALONE! DO you have that other phone number?
Boy 2: Sure I do... why?
Boy 1: great, then we can make "our phone calls"**

*: I'm guessing they aren't part of the popular crowd
**: probably going to call and harass this Rana... poor girl

Elevator then finally gets to the 10th floor and both boys get out... they had huge grins on their faces.

Some things you really just can not make up!

I Want One!!!

For this and other cool forks, go here.

Life, memories and maybe good byes?!

This is a depressing post, and I don't even know if it flows. Do not read it if you don't want to be depressed.



Today was one of the most miserable and depressing days I've had in a long while now. In the morning, I did something mortifying... I sent the wrong message to the wrong person and the message was kind of embarrassing. Ok, not kind of, but seriously embarrassing. I did not think much of it and pushed thoughts of it aside and thought that I will not let that ruin my day. I wanted to have a good day. Sadly, fate had other plans for me.

I went to pick up my blackberry phone, it was not finished yet and I was told that they failed to install what I wanted installed. Ok, no problems, I thought. As I was walking back to my car, I dropped the loan-phone they gave me and got a huge scratch all across the screen. I feel horrible about that as I didn't want it to begin with. I tried to remind the guy over and over again just what happens to phones with me. He just tsk tsked and told me that he trusts me. After all, what damage can I do in 2 or 3 days? Damage DONE.

Afterwards, while i was waiting for the traffic light to turn red, I was propelled into a whirlwind of many memories. I do not know what brought them on, but here they were and I went along with it. Some of them made me laugh out loud while others brought tears to my eyes. I remembered people that have touched my life, others that have changed it, and yet others that still influence it on a daily basis. I sometimes hate memories.. they are too powerful and they leave me feeling empty an lonely most of the time.

The afternoon finally came and I was thinking to myself, the day is almost finally over. Again, I did not realize just how wrong I would be. I received horrible news regarding one of my friends. He was among the first people I ever met in Canada, and has been sick for the past year or so. Unfortunately, he is only getting worse. The news made me remember how I saw him only 3 months back, had coffee with him and talked and laughed and all. How could someone be alright one month and in very bad shape the next? Humans are so fragile, and cancer almost always wins the fight. Cancer sucks. It always takes away the people we care about. If its not cancer, its a heart attack. If it isn't a heart attack, its cars. If it isn't cars, its motorcycles. If it isn't motorcycles it's hallucinations. If not that it's drugs and ODing... It is always the best people that are taken away from us too soon. It is so sad. Life can be over in a heartbeat, as though it never happened. Isn't that a morbidly funny thought?

Finally, in an effort to spend time with my parents a while back, I decided to join them in watching this movie on T.V called "Off the Map". F-ing BAD idea. It goes on and on about depression and tears and depression and how you are never really whole again. I didn't need that, but I have to put in the time with them... so I endured.

All in all... sad day. Truly and deeply sad. Hopefully tomorrow is a better one...

P.S. Pls say a prayer for my friend, he needs all the prayers he can get sent his way.