Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Life, memories and maybe good byes?!

This is a depressing post, and I don't even know if it flows. Do not read it if you don't want to be depressed.

Today was one of the most miserable and depressing days I've had in a long while now. In the morning, I did something mortifying... I sent the wrong message to the wrong person and the message was kind of embarrassing. Ok, not kind of, but seriously embarrassing. I did not think much of it and pushed thoughts of it aside and thought that I will not let that ruin my day. I wanted to have a good day. Sadly, fate had other plans for me.

I went to pick up my blackberry phone, it was not finished yet and I was told that they failed to install what I wanted installed. Ok, no problems, I thought. As I was walking back to my car, I dropped the loan-phone they gave me and got a huge scratch all across the screen. I feel horrible about that as I didn't want it to begin with. I tried to remind the guy over and over again just what happens to phones with me. He just tsk tsked and told me that he trusts me. After all, what damage can I do in 2 or 3 days? Damage DONE.

Afterwards, while i was waiting for the traffic light to turn red, I was propelled into a whirlwind of many memories. I do not know what brought them on, but here they were and I went along with it. Some of them made me laugh out loud while others brought tears to my eyes. I remembered people that have touched my life, others that have changed it, and yet others that still influence it on a daily basis. I sometimes hate memories.. they are too powerful and they leave me feeling empty an lonely most of the time.

The afternoon finally came and I was thinking to myself, the day is almost finally over. Again, I did not realize just how wrong I would be. I received horrible news regarding one of my friends. He was among the first people I ever met in Canada, and has been sick for the past year or so. Unfortunately, he is only getting worse. The news made me remember how I saw him only 3 months back, had coffee with him and talked and laughed and all. How could someone be alright one month and in very bad shape the next? Humans are so fragile, and cancer almost always wins the fight. Cancer sucks. It always takes away the people we care about. If its not cancer, its a heart attack. If it isn't a heart attack, its cars. If it isn't cars, its motorcycles. If it isn't motorcycles it's hallucinations. If not that it's drugs and ODing... It is always the best people that are taken away from us too soon. It is so sad. Life can be over in a heartbeat, as though it never happened. Isn't that a morbidly funny thought?

Finally, in an effort to spend time with my parents a while back, I decided to join them in watching this movie on T.V called "Off the Map". F-ing BAD idea. It goes on and on about depression and tears and depression and how you are never really whole again. I didn't need that, but I have to put in the time with them... so I endured.

All in all... sad day. Truly and deeply sad. Hopefully tomorrow is a better one...

P.S. Pls say a prayer for my friend, he needs all the prayers he can get sent his way.

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