On missing people...

Life sucks that way. It gives, and then it takes away and all you are left with is a picture, a voice, a scent and memories.

I really hope that my amnesia doesn't affect those memories. Without them, I have no idea what I will do with myself.

The Curse of the Silver Phoenix...

My precious little Phoenix broke down today. Phoenix is my car, in case you are wondering. Actually, it did not break down, that would entitle some sort of action. It died. The battery died. All within 12 hours from last driving it. It just stood there, no electricity going through it, except for the weird moving of the seat. No noise when you tried to turn her on... nothing. She could have made a very pretty, but huuuuggeee, paperweight.

And so, there I stood, in the middle of the parking lot, coursing my luck and watching them perform a battery transplant on her. Believe you me, I could have cried then and there if not for the fact that in a twisted, psychotic way, I found it quiet funny. It was funny because, Phoenix is cursed. Ever since I got her from the dealership and something is wrong with her. First it was the bluetooth, then there was the flat tire, then the oil, then the various bumps and bruises she has showing on her super sexy body of metal. Oh, another point to make is the fact that she can not stay clean for over 4 hours. It either rains, a sandstorm blows, is taken to various muddy construction sites or I take her down to Dxb, the land of the dust infestation.

Te upside of all this is, she is well and running now. She is in the best form and shape.
Know what? I think I AM the problem. Think about it:

* My laptops barely survive their 2 year mark
* I've been through 3 ipods in the past 9 months alone
* My cell phones break down ALL the time. They also barely make it through to their one year mark. It's so bad that at one point, I even managed to damage the SIM card. Even my cell phone dealer refuses to sell me any phone unless he is certain that it can survive 6 months min with me.

Now, the truth is, I take care of my things. I know that after knowing the above it is hard to believe, but I do. I am so nice and sweet to my laptop, I never throw my phone around and always keep it in its cover, same with the Ipods. Only conclusion is? I repel technology. Maybe it is some kind of glitch in me that I was born with. Technology and I just do not mix...

Now that I have that off my chest, I must say:

Seriously, poor Phoenix...
= (

It only takes a phonecall to ruin everything...

This past weekend brought up many issues that I need to think about. The main one is, my relationship with Mr. T.

Well, seeing as I do not want to go into the details here, all I will say is that he was very judgmental, harsh and to say the least, hypocritical. Honestly, the things he said brought me to tears. The main point of the whole thing was that he wanted me to be a friend, listen to him and support him, all the while not really wanting to know much about me. Basically, what he wanted is a shrink/problem solver/councilor in a friend's package. What he did not want to do, is reciprocate this gesture.

On the other hand, the evening was good. Good company, good ambiance, good drinks and a jolly good time. Too bad Mr. T decided to call and unveil his dickheadedness and shallow minded way of thinking right before I slept. Also, to make things worse, I had to wake up to a phone call from him trying to make me see his point, which I certainly do not.

So yeah, the weekend was bittersweet. However, the week is not over yet, and only God knows what is awaiting me, no?

People should always remember:

"There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it."

-Christopher Darlington Morley (1890-1957)

Out.

To make you ponder...

Don't Stand at My Grave and Cry

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there
I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain

When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds

In circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand at my grave and cry

I am not there
I did not die

Author Unknown

Here I am...

... once again!

I didn't think i will be coming back to blogger, but it looks as though life has other plans for me. Why am I back? Well, honestly, it is the best place for me to sort out my feelings and thoughts. It is a comfy place to be, if you will.

What drove me to come back? I am not sure. Al I know is that, here I am. Maybe its nostalgia, or perhaps it is a need that I never realized I required, or it could be just that I am back for no reason whatsoever. Either way, I am back and that is what counts.

So here it goes again, may the blogging commence henceforth!

=)

Tribute to Grandma

"Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete."

~Marcy DeMaree

And so what was feared, yet was sure to be inevitable, happened. My Grandma passed away on Tuesday 19/Aug/2008 after suffering for over 4 years. I had already put up a post about her medical condition earlier, you can see it here.

She did not go peacefully, she actually suffered a while before. She was hanging on until my uncle, who is her eldest son, died on Dec 28, 2007. Although no one told her he was gone, she felt it. She slowly sunk into her thoughts, refusing to share them with anyone. Eventually, she stopped talking, and shortly after that, she refused to recognize anyone. She only wanted to see her son one more time, and I think that in one way or another, she finally got her wish.

I hadn't been to Lebanon since her first stroke, and I wasn't going to go to Lebanon anytime soon. However, God had other plans. He ensured that my mother, all my aunts and uncles, myself, my sister (my brother couldn't take off work) and all other cousins and family that have been away were available in Lebanon the day she died. That, to me, is a gift from God. She had a house full of people who loved her waiting to say goodbye, to read her verses of the holy Quran to help usher her way to her final resting place. Yes, my Grandma did suffer ( I will spare you the gory details), but in the end, she rests. She looked so peaceful after her burial preparations were done and they were waiting for the ambulance to come take her to the cemetery. She looked like the Grandma I always knew and remembered- yes, thinner, but there nonetheless. She had a smile on her face, she looked happy and she was finally over the pain. Nothing could ever touch her and hurt her where she was going. Nothing could upset her. Sadly, nothing could bring her back either. She was on her way to meet her husband, her son and her daughter. She was finally going home and she looked it.

My grandma lived a good, decent life. She was loved, respected and honored by all. She was a peaceful person and a cool grandma -for a 13 year old, allowing me to smoke was pretty cool-. She was the glue that held my mothers' family together. She was our sun and we were the plantes revolving around her. Now, the sun has set for the last time, darkness has taken over, and although the moon and the stars will still shine brightly, nothing can ever be as bright as her smile.

I will miss you terribly Grandma, even though you did not recognize me when I saw you for the last time, I know that you spirit recognized me afterwards. Watch over me, guide me and let me feel your presence whenever you are visiting us on Earth here.

To everyone who reads this post, please honor my Teeta with a minute of silence.

On slowly going insane...

Sometimes, I feel as though I am losing it. I often wonder whether Montreal happened at all or was it all in my head. Thank God for pictures, seriously, otherwise I have no idea what would happen to me. Sometimes e-mails are just not enough... sometimes, you need to hold something in your hands just to make sure it is actually real.


Sanity or insanity... what is the difference between them really?

They said...

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.
- Anais Nin

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.
= diego marchi


In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
- Benjamin Franklin

All the world's a cage.
- Jeanne Phillips

A living nightmare...

Some days you are forgotten,
others you are fondly thought of,
yet others, you haunt my existance as though a shadow.
This can't go on anymore, its unhealthy and becoming as though an obsession.
Therefore, this is goodbye....


I hope.

Another perspective...

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net