Sunday, January 14, 2007

Late night ramblings...

A total stranger hugged me today, only because I moved closer to hear what her friend was telling me about some stupid drunk girls that were running around in the middle of the street. She hugged me... like a full hug. There i was, standing on the footsteps leading up to second cup, with my friends inside, and this random person hugs me... and it was nice. Why can't people just be spontaneous, do what they want, when they want. I asked her why she hugged me and her reply? "you are friendly, as simple as that". A complete stranger saying I am friendly... I am going to miss Montreal, with its random people, its hippies, its activists, its weirdos, its bums, its sunshines, its rains, its snows... I am going to miss all that so much.


I was thinking today, 17 days and that is it. I will take one last look at my room, one last glance at my door, lock it and walk away knowing that I will not be returning to it any more. Knowing that that is it... no more. The end. I will never wake up to see my flag hanging from the wall first thing in the morning, I will never have people randomly dropping by and screaming at me for never locking my door. I will never... so many things. Why is it that the leaving here is so much harder than the actual coming here? When i came here I was 17. It was the first time I ever leave to live on my own to be my own person. I left a life of luxury and came to live here, where you are responsible of doing everything all by yourself. You have to pay the rent, the bills, clean the house, do the laundry, cook -or at least make sure you eat- and so on. I had never even seen what a bank statement looked like until I came here. I remember my mom sitting me down and explaining to me how to write out a cheque. Cheques??!!!! I thought everything worked with plastics and plastics only. I remember looking at my mother as though she was crazy, as though I thought it impossible to spend money in any way other than either cash or credit cards. I remember my first bill... I called up dad and asked him where the hell was I expected to pay it. I remember my first mail... it was a bank statement that I never opened... Why should I, I thought? I know I have money... looking back, these past 4 years have been an adventure I would never trade for anything. These past 4 years made me the person I am today. I may not be perfect, I may not be affectionate, may come off as too strong or independent, but I am me and that is what counts.

I not only learnt how to pay bills or what a convenience cheque books are, but I also learnt a lot about my heritage, about my Palestine. I am more proud than ever to be Palestinian. I was proud before, but living in an Arabic country, you are kind of disconnected from all of this. My parents did try their best to get me involved in the whole issue, but I was too self-involved at the time. i went to the shows just to see the performance, never listened to the speeches or the poetry. I went to the dinners for the socializing opportunities, never for the reason they were held. Looking back, I am a little ashamed of the way I was. I should have been more active, I should have done my research, I should have gone out of my way... but I did not. Living here changed everything. i had to do my own research, I had to find my own passion and had to follow my own road.

Ayayayayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Montreal... I have so much to thank you for. I am going to miss you like no other.


Could someone answer this for me?

IF the Palestinian-Israeli talks ever go through, and they agree that the Palestinian state should have the 1967 boarders, where does that leave me, a person who is from the 1948 boarders? What happens to my right of return and where do I return to?

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