Friday, September 11, 2009

On Human Behaviour

Today I found myself asking the following question:

"Why are we, as humans, so scared to show emotions, get close to someone, fall in love, move on with life and so on?"

We go through our whole lives meeting people, trying to find our soul mate(s), trying to spend as much time in the company of other, but when we meet that one person that causes butterflies to errupt in our stomach, the one person that can bring a blush to our cheeks, the only person that our hearts beat insanely fast for, we take a step back and stop. We halt the process, start to look for loopholes, excuses of why it can never work or why it will eventually fail. Why are we so bent on keeping our emotions in check that we usually end up missing out on a wonderful, wholesome experience.

So what if it fails, so what if it doesn't go according to our plans? Why is it so hard to just lay our hearts out and wear them on our sleeves? A reason could be that at a young age, we learn that disappointments hurt. They sometimes hurt you so bad and scar you so deep that you think you will never be able to recover. However, we do recover. Life goes on, the wheels keep turning and we go on breathing and go onto fighting a different battle. At a young age, we learn that the world could not care less for our grieve and it will never stop moving just to give us time to heal. It pushes us forwards, it takes us along on a ride that is both so exciting and so terrifying that we never know whether we should just get off or not. Life is tricky like that. Sometimes, you lose a friend only to find another, sometimes you lose a loved one only to realize the importance of telling them exactly how you feel towards them, sometimes, you lose everyone and everything, but find yourself in the process. Healing takes time, but it makes us who we are. Our experiences, both good and bad, happy and sad (now I'm rhyming) are what makes us unique, special and just makes us... us.

We are also so worried about being judged and misjudged that sometimes it feels as though we are living a role. Shakespeare wasn't wrong when he said
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts"
One of my high school friends used to always tell me, life is a bitch. He was right. We put all our efforts into finding that one thing that will make it all bearable that we forget about the details. We never stop to smell the flowers and enjoy the sunshine. We always take everything for granted and only realize that things were good when we no longer have them.

We should break this cycle, we should tell the people that we care about how we feel. We should take a chance on that stranger next to us, we should give each other a chance and just be grateful that we are here, willing and able to do just that. None of us know how much longer we have on this Earth, so we should make the best of it.

A friend used to say "Live fast, die young". That was exactly what he did. He lived fast, and then... he died... young. However, looking back, he lived a full life. He made plans, he accomplished his dreams, he fixed up his life, he touched the lives of many people around him and then, just like that, he was gone. Point is, he did it, all of it.

I'm trying to learn this lesson. I know it by heart now, however, I still find it hard to play by its rules. I'm going to try and take greater leaps of faith, trust people, stop being emotionally distant and suppressive. I am going to try and revel in the here and now, and let the future worry about itself. Whatever happens, I know future me will be able to handle it. Whatever happened, I know past me already handled it. I will start spreading the I Love Yous and I Miss Yous wherever and whenever they apply. I will stop analyzing everything and just act on instinct. I will try harder and I will make it.

It is true that my emotional roller coaster rarely ever gives me time off. My mood swings shift so rapidly and quickly that even I get a whip lash from them, and the way my mind works sometimes freaks the shit out of me. But, I will TRY to be the happier and stronger person I know I could be one day. I mean, the least I could do is attempt to practice what I preach.

I'll let you know how it works out.

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